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A Nun in Exile: From Tibet to Mundgod
by Sramanerika Thubten
Lhatso ©
I was born in
a village in Kham, in the eastern part of Tibet, many years
before the Chinese occupation of our country. The terrain
was beautiful, but travel was difficult. Most people were
peasants working the land, so we tended to stay close to our
birthplace. No nunnery existed near my village in Kham, so
I, like some other nuns, did not experience living in a nuns'
community while in Tibet. However I would like to share my
experience of being a nun in Tibet and now as a refugee in
India.
I became a nun when I was twelve years
old. In "old Tibet" many families wanted at least
one of their children to be a monastic as it was regarded
very meritorious for the family. Therefore, since my family
had two daughters, my parents said that one of us must become
a nun. Since I was not adept at doing work around the house,
in the fields, or with the animals, I was the one who ordained.
Although I became a nun at a young age, I was unable to receive
many teachings as no lama or monastery existed nearby. My
father taught me to read and write the Tibetan language, and
I stayed at my family's house until I was twenty-one. Tibetan
nuns, even those in nunneries, did not do philosophical studies
or debate at that time, but mostly engaged in rituals and
meditation practices to purify the mind and create positive
potential. Thus, during those years, I did many Nyung Ne,
the two-day fasting retreat of Chenresig, the Buddha of compassion,
as well as chanted one hundred thousand Praises to Tara.
When I was twenty-one, my mother passed
away. A lama living in the mountains nearby came to our home
at that time to do prayers for my mother and the other villagers.
He also gave teachings to the lay people and the seven nuns
in the area. He instructed us to do many Nyung Ne practices,
which we did, together with one hundred thousand recitations
of Chenresig's mantra. We also completed one hundred thousand
recitations of the praise to Lama Tsong Khapa, together with
guru yoga. Five of us nuns then went to the lama and stayed
in retreat where we recited one hundred thousand refuge mantra
and did many other recitations and practices. These practices
helped us to purify our negative actions, deepen our confidence
in the Three Jewels, and develop love and compassion. At age
twenty-two, I received the sramanerika vow. I also received
the Vajrayogini initiation and did that practice daily, but
was unable to do the retreat due to the turbulence caused
by the communist occupation of my country.
In 1958, my father, my teacher, and I
left for Lhasa, thinking the situation might be better there.
However, Lhasa was also occupied by the communist Chinese,
and the atmosphere there was extremely tense. Fortunately,
I had an audience with His Holiness the Dalai Lama there,
which gave me much strength and confidence, qualities that
would do me well in what was to come. By the spring of 1959,
the Chinese controlled all of Lhasa, and we feared that our
old way of life and our religious institutions were in jeopardy.
My teacher stayed at Drepung Monastery just outside Lhasa,
while we stayed in the city itself. When fighting between
the Tibetans and Chinese broke out in March 1959, my father
and I wanted to flee that very night. Although we were unable
to leave then, my teacher escaped. The following morning my
father told me that we must leave that night and instructed
me to get our things that were at a friend's home. While I was
gone, the Chinese captured my father. On my way back, I saw
my father standing on the road with the Chinese police. I
wanted to go to him and hold him so they could not take him,
but I dared not because the Chinese might have killed us both.
Helplessly, I watched as they took him away to a destination
unknown to me.
Finding my father was difficult because
the Kham dialect I spoke was different from the dialect spoken
in Lhasa, so I could not easily communicate with people. However,
after two months, I succeeded in locating him in one of the
prisons. Finally, when some Westerners-I think they were Americans-came
to visit Tibet, the Chinese released some of the old prisoners,
my father among them. At that time I was living in Lhasa and
doing my religious practice. However, the communist Chinese
regarded religious practice as useless and religious people
as parasites on society, so they ordered me to work. Both
my father and I began to work as manual laborers. Since he
had to carry soil, sometimes his legs were completely swollen
due to the strain. Exhausted from working all day, we were
forced to attend political meetings organized by the Chinese
communists each evening. During that period, I and many others
suffered so much. However, we regarded this as being due to
our previous karma. The Buddha said, "Happiness arises
from our previous positive actions, and suffering from our
negative ones," so we tried not to be angry with those
oppressing us. In any case, anger is useless in such situations:
it only adds more emotional turmoil to the physical suffering
that one is already experiencing. In addition, when angry,
we do not think clearly and often make wrong decisions or
act brashly, bringing more suffering to ourselves and others.
In 1972, my father passed away. We had
been working and waiting in Lhasa, hoping that the Chinese
occupation would end soon and that Tibet would regain its
independence. That did not happen; but in the early 1980s
restrictions relaxed a little, and the Chinese allowed some
Tibetans to go to India. I wanted to go to India, but to do
so, I needed a letter from a Tibetan there saying that we
were relatives and asking me to come for a visit. I sent a
letter to one of my teachers at Ganden Monastery in South
India, and he sent me a letter of invitation, which I took
to the Chinese office in Lhasa to get the papers necessary
for travel to India. I told the Chinese officers that he was
my relative, not my teacher, and requested to go to India
for only three months to see him. When permission to go finally
came through, I left all my belongings in Tibet, as if I was
planning to return. Had I not done that, they would have suspected
me of not intending to return and prevented me from leaving.
Thus I became a refugee. I stayed one
month in Nepal and then went to Bodhgaya, India, where I received
teachings on the bodhisattvas' practices. Then I went to Drepung
Monastery, reconstructed in South India by Tibetans in exile,
to see my teacher. After visiting him in Drepung, I went to
Dharamsala where I received teachings on the eight texts of
the Lamrim, the gradual path to enlightenment. I also had
the fortune to receive some initiations and teachings on the
bodhisattvas' practice in Varanasi, the Kalachakra initiation
in Bodhgaya, and teachings on the Guru Puja as well as various
initiations in Dharamsala. Having been unable to receive many
teachings as a young nun and having had to do hard manual
labor under the Chinese for many years, I was delighted to
finally have the opportunity to learn more about the Dharma
which I cherished so much.
Establishing Jangchub Choling Nunnery
When I first went to see my teacher in
Mundgod, South India, there was not a nunnery there. Later,
while Jangchub Choling Nunnery was being constructed, the
Tibetan Women's Association told me I was welcome to join
the nunnery, but I declined at that time. In January 1987,
a representative from the Tibetan Welfare Office invited me
to attend the opening ceremony of the nunnery even though
I did not intend to join it. His Holiness the Dalai Lama was
going to be present, and I thought it would be good to receive
his blessing, so I went to Mundgod to help with the preparations
before his arrival. Since the nunnery had just been completed,
it was very dusty and required a lot of cleaning and decorating
to make it nice before the opening ceremony. All the nuns
in the area-nearly twenty of us-were asked to be present for
His Holiness' visit, which we were only too happy to do. Some
nuns were very old, coming from the old people's home next
door to the nunnery. Others were very young, in their young
teens.
While His Holiness was at the nunnery,
he asked if anyone was from Tibet. When I replied positively,
he said, "There are many monasteries for the monks in
India, but very few nunneries. I would like nunneries to be
opened in all the big Tibetan settlements in India. Whenever
I meet someone who could assist with this, especially those
from the Tibetan Women's Association, I ask them to help the
nuns. Many Westerners ask me why there are so many monasteries
for the monks and hardly any nunneries for the nuns. Now Jangchub
Choling Nunnery is opening and I am very happy. Please learn
the Dharma well. Since the nunnery is located near both Ganden
and Drepung Monasteries, you will not face many problems finding
teachers. You must study hard and become expert nuns in the
future." After His Holiness had said this, I could not
just leave the nuns at Mundgod. As a senior nun, I felt responsible
to enact His Holiness' wishes and to care for the development
of the young nuns. Since he had emphasized that we must study
hard and make the nunnery successful, I decided to stay, join
the nunnery, and do what I could to help the nuns. Only a
few of the living quarters for the nuns had been completed,
and more construction was desperately needed. We had no water
or electricity so the sanitation was poor. Due to a shortage
of housing at the nunnery, the elder nuns stayed in the old
people's home, where their rooms had no doors, windows, or
proper bedding. The younger nuns whose families lived nearby
slept at their family's house. For almost eleven months, I
stayed alone at the nunnery at night while the other nuns
lived elsewhere.
In the spring of 1987, the first international
meeting of Buddhist women was held in Bodhgaya. Although I
did not attend, I learned it was highly successful and led
to the establishment of Sakyadhita, the international organization
for Buddhist women. Venerable Jampa Tsedroen, one of Geshe
Thubten Ngawang's students from the Tibet Center in Germany,
attended this conference and afterwards came to our nunnery
in Mundgod. She wanted to be with nuns, and in addition, the
Department of Religious and Cultural Affairs of the Tibetan
government-in-exile asked her to visit Jangchub Choling. When
Jampa Tsedroen asked to stay in the nunnery, we told her that
she was most welcome, but we had neither a proper room nor
bedding for her. All we had to offer was a hard wooden bed
with one bed sheet, so she stayed at Ganden Monastery nearby.
The next day she sponsored a Guru Puja, which the nuns performed,
and she photographed the nuns and our facilities. She explained
that she wanted to find sponsors so that we could build proper
rooms, toilets, bathrooms, and kitchen. When the rooms were
built, the young nuns came to live at the nunnery.
The Tibetan Welfare Office in our area
helped us sponsor the nuns' living costs. They gave forty
rupees a month for each young nun who came to study, and each
nun had to bring thirty additional rupees from her family
in order to cover her expenses. The following year, when Geshe
Thubten Ngawang came to the nunnery, we asked for help, and
he and Jampa Tsedroen found a sponsor for each nun. The Welfare
Office asked Geshe Khenrab Thargye to teach us, and Jampa
Tsedroen also requested Geshe Konchog Tsering to instruct
the nuns. Both of these excellent geshes continue to teach
the nuns. Whatever we have now is due to the kindness of all
these people.
The Welfare Office, together with another
Western nun, provided us with religious texts, English textbooks,
and exercise books. All the nuns are most grateful to the
Westerners who made it possible for us to build facilities
and establish an educational program. Last year, we finished
the construction of more living quarters, classrooms, and
a dining hall, sponsored by Ms. Baker and many people from
the West. Westerners have helped not only our nunnery, but
many Tibetan institutions-nunneries, monasteries, hospitals,
and schools, and we are grateful for this. What we Tibetans
have been able to accomplish in exile is also due to the kindness
of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Countless bodhisattvas have
appeared on earth, but they have not been able to subdue our
minds. Even now His Holiness is trying to subdue us and show
us the way to enlightenment, so we are very lucky.
Daily Life in the Nunnery
As for our daily schedule: we get up at
5:00 A.M. and go to the temple for our morning prayers, after
which we dedicate the positive potential for the peace and
happiness of all sentient beings and the long life of His
Holiness the Dalai Lama. After breakfast, we attend teachings
for one or two hours. This is followed by debate, which allows
us to discuss and reach a clearer understanding of the Buddha's
teachings. Only in recent years have nuns begun to study the
philosophical texts and debate their meanings, activities
in which previously only monks engaged. This advancement in
nuns' education has occurred due to His Holiness' instructions
and the interest of the young nuns. Lunch follows, and in
the afternoon we have Tibetan and English classes. In the
evenings, we again do prayers in the main temple for an hour.
We principally do Tara Puja, as well as other practices. After
that, we again have debate, after which the nuns study on
their own, reading books and memorizing the scriptures. We
go to bed around midnight.
In general, the nuns cooperate well with
each other and with those in positions of responsibility in
the nunnery. Since I am the most senior nun, I have to discipline
and advise them when necessary. They follow my counsel and
are not rebellious or headstrong. Sometimes I have had to
hit some of the younger ones when they misbehaved, but they
don't mind it too much. They do not take it seriously or fight
against me, as they know that my intentions are to help them
be good nuns. In fact, when I told them that a few other nuns
and I were going to 'Life as a Western Buddhist Nun', many of
them cried and said they couldn't enjoy the Tibetan New Year's
celebrations because the senior nuns would be away!
On Mondays, we have a day off, but I do
not allow the nuns to be idle then. They must study or memorize
on those days too. Even at New Year's they don't have special
holidays. Every now and again they do ask for a holiday, and
this is fine. Although it is difficult to establish a nunnery
from scratch with few resources, I think we have done quite
well. I am very happy that the nuns now have better educational
opportunities than in the past, and that many of them are
taking advantage of this. In 1995, nuns from the various nunneries
in exile had a large debate session, lasting many days in
Dharamsala. At the conclusion, for the first time in history,
some of the best nuns debated at the main temple, in front
of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Of course, some were nervous,
but afterwards many people commented how well they did. I
continuously request them to study and practice well for the
sake of sentient beings and to pray for the long life of His
Holiness and our other teachers. We are so fortunate to have
this opportunity to learn and practice the Buddha's teachings!
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