Vajrasattva Retreat 2005:

On 5 January 2005, a three-month Vajrasattva Retreat was held at Sravasti Abbey. During the retreat, each morning the participants took turns leading their fellow retreatants in cultivating a good motivation for their meditation that day. You may want to read one of these motivations each morning to inspire your practice

Motivations by Aida Jimenez - Feb 13, 2005

Last Friday, Lupita commented that her mind didn't like the routine, but through analyzing this aversion she found herself liking it and being able to do her - and our - tasks in this retreat.

I am going to share with you a continuation of this. More than a motivation, it's more like a confession too. But I hope that it will end up serving as its purpose of a motivation.

What my mind doesn't like - and often my speech or body - is to exert myself. Looking back at my case, there has been a tendency to do this, since I was a child. (My mother says that around 7, which I fortunately can't remember, I would bribe my sister with money to make my dinner (even though it was my turn to do so). This tendency has improved through many means. Thanks to my parents education; my mother put a focus on me to comply exactly with the requirements of school, to be organized, disciplined, good hygiene are some of the things. My father showed me to be "clear, exact and precise" when I think, talk or write (teaching which on occasions I take to the extremes, causing desperation among friends and close family members).

The problem was that neither them, nor anyone around me (possibly because they didn't know about it) showed me that it's important to counteract, combat and try to eliminate from the root this selfish attitude. No one showed me that all sentient beings depend on each others and thus the reason it's important to be interested in this and hold those around us necessities as valuable.

So I grew up giving my egoism free reign and I valued stubbornness and treated it as pleasant bringing with it much pain, both internally and externally.

My dear Patricio (which no matter how hard I try I can't stop thinking of him as inherently loving, patience, generous, enthusiastic and hard worker) has been trying for 15 years to share with me that vision of life which no one has shown me before.

That possibility of not harming others, benefit others (starting with those who are close to us), to not contribute to the chaos and confusion our society lives in.

Unfortunately, I've turned out to be too rough of a diamond to shine up, but fortunately I am here with you all discovering, unveiling and purifying the causes which have been my "misfortune" as well as trying to generate those actions that bring along "fortune" not only for me, but for all beings.

Thanks to Patricio, I'm not only here on this retreat, but in the Dharma. Thanks to Venerable Chodron and the benefactors who contributed to the establishment of the Abbey and also to you all, my dear friends, I'm here trying happily with my body, speech and mind to change my body speech and egotistical mind like Lama Yeshe suggests.

Thank you very much for your support and good luck in your process of self discovery, unveiling and purification of "misfortunes" as well as generating "fortune".