Vajrasattva Retreat 2005:

On 5 January 2005, a three-month Vajrasattva Retreat was held at Sravasti Abbey. During the retreat, each morning the participants took turns leading their fellow retreatants in cultivating a good motivation for their meditation that day. You may want to read one of these motivations each morning to inspire your practice

Motivations by Aida Jimenez - Mar 20, 2005

Dear Friends,

The last two meetings with Venerable have been a beating for me. I feel completely exhausted physically. Having to deal with the fact that happiness is not "out" there, nor is it in my love for Patricio, nor in what I consider my lovely home, nor in my wonderful adorable 7 hairy dogs, nor in my loving mother, nor her delicious food, nor in my work, nor in my personal or professional acknowledgments, nor in me sleeping 8 long hours, nor in staying a little while longer in bed to wake up in the morning, not even in my soft slippers to keep my feet warm each time I do prostrations to The 35 Buddhas! Has all been too much for both my body and mind.

Do you know what I did after our last meeting with Venerable Chodron? I drank some caffeinated tea with a lot of honey, ate a chocolate, two sweets, and drank half a cup of grape juice (I didn't drink the whole glass, only because Kevin was in front of me and I felt ashamed…) Why did I do it? Because I simply followed an impulse. Curiously enough, the impulse appeared in my mind just after listening how determined Venerable Chodron was when she ordained as a nun and the participation of all of you and your relationship to the Dharma.

I think that due to this impulse, the part of my mind, that felt threatened by this retreat experience, needed a break and before me appeared the urgency to posses a dose of "external happiness", of "instant happiness". I simply couldn't stop consuming it. And although this action could seem silly, (because what grave consequence could I have experienced except a slight sugar high), now I realize that to follow that type of impulse - which is what I have done my entire life, which I have been able to see thanks to the practice - however small they might be, will turn into the cause to not have control over actions in the future which can generate very negative results, not only for me, of course, but for those people who I love and live with.

In this context I'm referring to control, not in repressive terms but in terms which mean to be careful and always have in mind the wish to not hurt others, and to be as beneficial as possible. Regarding Karma, Alex Berzin said that our actions generate impulses, which generate tendencies which convert into habits. Those habits solidify into attitudes which reinforce the kind of actions we follow through with and repeat again and again. So then, our panoramic view is completely different. From this perspective, by being able to control some impulses --no matter how small they may be-- mindfully and consciously, we are generating the cause to act constructively. It's to say, for the results of our actions to be beneficial for others as well as ourselves.

Finally, as our motivation for today, due to the purifications of all the negative karma that we have committed, may we understand and feel from the very inside, the instant happiness that our senses propose and which at first seems to us like happiness, are only suffering of change. That the happiness that we aspire to which lasts and is consistent, requires the development of qualities within inside us which permit us to feel tranquil, happy, satisfied and "complete" each moment of our lives making it valuable not only for ourselves, but for all beings around us.