Vajrasattva Retreat 2005:

On 5 January 2005, a three-month Vajrasattva Retreat was held at Sravasti Abbey. During the retreat, each morning the participants took turns leading their fellow retreatants in cultivating a good motivation for their meditation that day. You may want to read one of these motivations each morning to inspire your practice

Motivations by Miles - Mar 26, 2005

"As long as you are clear in your heart that what you are doing is for others, it doesn't matter how poorly you are doing it. Just keep at it and everything will fall into place."

Lama Yeshe

(Theme: Suffering)
Birth, old age, death, rebirth. Ya, ya all fancy terms that describe "omnipresent suffering." For me these terms are too vague and I never can cultivate any deep feeling that would provoke the 'fire-on-my-head' urgency that is required for real practice. So, hopefully this motivation will spark a curiosity in you to strongly seek a personal understanding that our current suffering is unacceptable!
The following is a list of three sufferings that have sparked some curiosity in my mind, but I highly recommend taking the time to sincerely and creatively do a personal inventory from your own heart.

1. (Note: control can be interchanged with understanding.) What control do we have over anything? What is control anyway? Do we have control over the external world? What people will say or do to us? No. Do we have control over our body? Do we have control over when our body needs sleep, go to the bathroom? No. How about the mind. Do we have control over our feeling, senses or our different thought patterns/emotions? Do we decide when we're going to feel depressed, angry or compassionate, silly and for how long we will feel this way? Are we not directed by past karma, ingrained habits and a confused sense of self, reality? (Who are we anyways? Do we react in all occasions trying to uphold this vague label, "self" that is changing unbelievably fast?
   • (How about on a practical level?) How much control of mindfulness do we have? Personally, no matter how much I believe I will have a meditation with some concentration and have the capability to hold onto my set intention/motivation, I have yet to have one single meditation where my mind wasn't distracted or daydreaming.
   • Not having control over my thoughts and state of being in these peaceful conditions makes me wonder what thoughts will run through my mind when I go back to the insanity of home. This is terrifying because negative thoughts only contribute to this tortured world! (Do you want change this? Will today's meditation help purify this?)
2. This suffering is so outrageous that I think that that is why it is easily and often overlooked. Death. We are always one millisecond away from dying- I mean done, story ends, 'curplunk!' Nothing goes but karma. If we honestly and continuously felt death to be real would anything change? If you were going to die in ten breaths what would not be so important? Would breakfast cross your mind? Retreat almost ending? No. We would be trying to cultivate a good heart- a strong yearning to let go of attachments and realize wisdom. Life would change and we would want to practice all the time, yeah? But in conclusion, personally, I think the real suffering of this suffering stems from my own stupidity. I ignore death and let my life slip away without caring. Regretting always taking this choice will be in my future. (What do you want to familiarize your mind with?)
   • This next suffering is the kicker (match about to be lit on head). Think of your closest most cherished friend (mother sentient being). The one to whom compassion arises on its own without delay.
     How does your heart feel towards them? Is there a willingness to drop everything, no matter what, solely to help him/her?
     Now, see the truth. They will die… allow yourself to experience this inevitability- they will be gone forever. They are slowly slipping out of your life and we are watching them die in every moment we have together.
   • What can we do for them? Can we prevent their death, the final separation, the last good-bye? No. Can we choose their next rebirth? No. This is too bad and is quite possibly our greatest suffering.
     -What are your feelings now about your practice? Is ego is cut and diminished through seeing suffering. No longer in control. S naturally we want to seek refuge and protection- a way to developing our good qualities so that we can be of help.
   • So, we can choose this morning to use the time that we have left as meaningful as we want. We are what I feel to be the seven luckiest people in the world! Are we doing the best thing in the whole world, for the whole world or what:?
   • We can say, "this is our moment and it will used most wisely!"
   • Visualize merit field, feel all beings around us, and you lead us in taking refuge..