Q&A: Tantra
by Venerable Thubten Chodron©

Divine appearance and divine identity

Q: When we have the initiation and can do the self-generation as a deity - for example, in the Six Session Guru Yoga, we imagine giving our body, possessions and positive potential (merit) to all sentient beings. Whose body, possessions, and positive potential do I give, my own or that of the deity? Also, we promise not to transgress any of our vows - pratimoksha, bodhisattva, or tantric vows. If I am the deity and therefore a Buddha, why should I promise this because I'm already totally pure? If I were ordinary me, this promise would make sense. When we do the self-generation, we're instructed to really think we are the deity and are totally pure, so this is confusing. Who am I? (The fifty million dollar question!!)

When we imagine ourselves as deities/Buddhas and have that divine identity (divine pride, divine dignity), we do it with an awareness that this way of meditating is a method to transform our minds. Though we do this practice, because we still haven't eliminated our ordinary appearance and ordinary grasping, especially our grasping at true existence, undoubtedly our wrong conception mind is still at work. Even though you imagine yourself as the deity, isn't part of your mind still thinking, "I'm Karin and I'm just little old me, with all my problems and hang-up"? Of course, we're trying to free ourselves from that ordinary mind, but it's still there anyway, isn't it? This practice is helping us slowly to oppose it.

So, when I do the practice and offer my body, wealth and merits, I offer those of me as the deity and also those of me as Chodron. Similarly, there's no fault in me as the deity vowing not to transgress any vows. And, for that part that still thinks I'm Chodron, vowing not to transgress my vows is very important!

One way to think could be: "I'm the deity manifesting as Karin." Buddhas manifest in different forms to help sentient beings. So now there's a Buddha that is appearing as Karin. You still visualize yourself as the deity, but since you're in Karin's social role, living in her house with her possessions etc, you could offer Karin's body, possessions, and wealth to all sentient beings. In addition, since you're practicing divine identity as a Buddha, you as the deity could offer the things from the deity's pure land.

In thinking about it, it seems the root of this question is our grasping at inherent existence. Only now, instead of grasping at ourselves as an inherently existent me, we're grasping at ourselves as an inherently existent deity. As we do the self-generation practice and reflect on its meaning over time - especially as our understanding of emptiness increases - we will see more clearly that we're not an inherently existent anything. Karin and Chodron and the Buddhas are equally dependently existent appearances that are empty.